The Sidekick

My grandson Krischan has called me G-Pa since he learned how to articulate words with more than one syllable.

G-Pa can I have a glass of choklit milk?  G-Pa can we go running?  G-Pa let’s watch cartoons.  G-Pa why do deer live in the forest and not in a house?  G-Pa let’s hunt zombies.

G-Pa I had an ax-id-ent. 

That’s why Krischan caught me off guard when he referred to me as his ‘sidekick’ a couple weeks ago. 

We were out exploring in the woods behind my house when he said I needed to stay close to him because that’s what a good sidekick does.  ‘You know, like Robin is to Batman,’ he added after misinterpreting the reason I was rolling my eyes.    

I stayed close to Krischan as we got deeper and deeper into the woods, making sure no zombies, space aliens or wild animals were sneaking up on us from behind.  Don’t ever accuse me of not being a good sidekick; I know what needs to be done. 

While there are no written rules and regulations for being a good sidekick (I checked), I have accumulated a partial list of what Krischan expects from me.  After all, every Batman needs a good Robin:

·  Know the answer to any and every question.  Subject matter is irrelevant; just know EVERYTHING.  How does a chameleon know what color they should be?  Why are they called ‘stink bugs?’  I don’t smell anything.  Do trees hurt when you chop them down? 

·       Identify each of the Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles by the color of their headbands.

·     Sit through numerous viewings of How to Train Your Dragon and pretend each time you’re seeing it for the very first time.

·      Be ready for any and every physical activity after a long drive in the car.  (The fact that the sidekick did all the driving while someone else was taking a nap has no impact whatsoever on this requirement.)

·      Always have tissues handy.  Even if caught in the middle of the woods during a heavy rain.  (Trust me on this one.)

·       Explain why ‘tenteen’ isn’t a number when it makes perfectly good sense to him. 

·       Hold your own in the more popular games available on tablets, like Fruit Ninja and Angry Birds.  That is, do everything you can to be competitive without actually winning.  (Save the winning for the teenage years when he’ll need to be taught a lesson or two.) 

·       Ensure he doesn’t lick the shattered screen on a cell phone because he believes it to be ‘covered in sugar.’ 

·       Provide reassurance that even the greatest basketball player alive couldn’t touch the rim at one time.    

·       Pretend to be amazed when he runs across the room and back, comes to a sudden halt and stands perfectly still while desperately trying not to breathe hard.  Then acknowledge he has proven he is indeed the Flash, the fastest man alive. 

·       Always have his back while hunting zombies in the woods, with Styrofoam sword held firmly in both hands.  Just in case. 

·       ‘Go first’ when entering a dark room.  If it’s nighttime, then always ‘go first’ when returning to the dark hallway. 

Krischan will be spending the next few days with Cindy and I.  That means I’ll be stopping at the grocery store today on the way home to pick up a bottle of Krischan’s favorite drink, chocolate milk.

Just like any good sidekick would do.