Family Circus

Krischan was so excited this morning because today was the day he was GOING TO THE CIRCUS! 

After all, this was in all likelihood the last item on whatever a young boy would call a list of things he wanted to do before he started first grade.  A bucket list for preschoolers, perhaps.

All of the other items on the list had been checked off:

·      First haircut.

·      First birthday party, as well as…

·      First attempt at finishing off an entire chocolate cake in one sitting.

·      First trip to the movie theater (The Lorax, if you must know).

·      First trip to the emergency room (no cause for alarm; he was fine). 

·      First trip to the zoo.

·      First day of kindergarten.

·      First friend who was a girl but by no means did that make her his girlfriend.    

·      First trip to the aquarium. 

·      First trip to the University of Florida (OK, so this one may have been on my bucket list).

·      First trip to the College Football Hall of Fame (maybe this one as well).

·      First pair of running shoes (last one from me.  Promise.). 

·      First visit from the Tooth Fairy. 

So all that remained on the list was a trip to the circus.  And what did the trip to the circus mean to a starry-eyed young boy a few weeks shy of his sixth birthday? ELEPHANTS!  THE STRONG MAN!  ELEPHANTS! CLOWNS!  ELEPHANTS!  LIONS!  TIGERS!

And MORE ELEPHANTS!

When we arrived at the Gwinnett Arena I asked Krischan if there would be any dragons in the circus.  ‘No, G-Pa; dragons aren’t real.’  Roger that.

Once we were inside the arena Krischan immediately asked if he could get a box of popcorn to eat during the show.  As it was dinnertime and we hadn’t eaten since lunchtime I took out my wallet, only to discover a box of popcorn would require me to take out a 15-year loan.  I noticed that cotton candy required a 30-year loan, but it did come with a free quasi-Ringmaster hat so I convinced Krischan he really wanted the cotton candy that in all probability was closer to the truth anyway.    

Once we found our seats, you’ll never guess the first word out of his mouth when the Ringmaster announced the beginning of ‘the greatest show on earth.’  ‘DRAGONS!!!’ as he stood and pointed at the two costumed dragons leading the procession of circus performers onto the arena floor.  I bit my tongue so hard I’m pretty sure it bled a little.   

Once the performance began, Krischan was mesmerized.  There were clowns and ELEPHANTS and motorcycles and ELEPHANTS and trapeze artists and ELEPHANTS and gymnasts and ELEPHANTS and lions, tigers and ELEPHANTS.

But alas, there was no strong man.  Not until intermission, that is.  Because that was when Krischan demonstrated that he was the strong man by challenging me to an endless series of arm-wrestling competitions he had no trouble winning because the palms of his hands were coated in pink and baby blue cotton candy and not only that were kind of sweaty and I just wanted the whole thing to be over with because now MY hands were becoming pink, baby blue and very, very sticky.   

Throughout the first half of the show Krischan mentioned he wanted a circus sword, a three-foot piece of plastic that glowed in the dark…and cost approximately the price of admission to the show.

Krischan: I want a sword. 

Me: You already have a circus hat.

Krischan: I want a sword.

Me: AND you have cotton candy.

Krischan: I want a sword.

Me: AND you’re getting to enjoy ‘the greatest show on earth.’

Krischan: I.  Want.  A.  Sword.

I mentioned intermission earlier.  Intermission was actually a time the circus owners intended for you to take your children to the lobby and spend your life’s earnings on stuffed animals, plastic toys and other circus paraphernalia that will most likely end up in next spring’s garage sale.  Now you know why I chose pink, baby blue and very, very sticky hands as my intermission option.

An announcement was made: ‘Three minutes until the show resumes.  Everyone take your seats.’

‘If I can just make it for another 180 seconds I just might dodge the sword bullet…’

That was the thought in my head as a vendor with his arms full of plastic swords ran up the stairs and stopped right next to where I was sitting (I’m just lucky that way). 

‘Sword!  Sword!  Sword!  Sword!  Sword!’

That would have been fine had those words come out of the mouth of the vendor.  However, they were coming out of the mouth of the little boy sitting next to me who should have been wearing his ringmaster hat but instead was desperate to hold one of those precious swords in his sticky little hands.    

I started counting in my head.  ‘One Mississippi…two Mississippi…’

Thankfully the lights soon dimmed, the show resumed and Krischan’s attention returned to the center ring where it stayed until the very last clown left the arena.

As we left the arena I did my very best to avoid anyone with a glow-in-the-dark sword in their hand.  It was no problem spotting them, because it was basically everyone except us. 

Postcript: I couldn’t decide if seeing the Harlem Globetrotters should be included on Krischan’s list of things to do before elementary school.  So I asked him to watch a video clip of the Globetrotters in action to judge his reaction.  One of the Globetrotters was sitting on the rim and the referee ran towards him, yelling at him to ‘get down!’  Kool and the Gang’s Jungle Boogie came blaring over the sound system.  The Globetrotter stood up on the rim and began shaking his moneymaker, doing his best to ‘get down.’  I thought it was hilarious.  Krischan was nowhere to be found. 

For the time being I’m putting the Harlem Globetrotters on the back burner.