For a Few Dollars More

An Open letter to Gary L. Paxton, CEO, Dollar Rent A Car

I admit I made a mistake.

To paraphrase the immortal words of Otter as he tried to console Flounder in Animal House:

‘I f*cked, up; I trusted you.’

That was my first mistake.  My second was not reading the fine print.  Not that I could see it or anything.

Let me start at the beginning.  My wife and I rented a compact car from your company, Dollar Rent A Carl at a rate of $63 a day through CheapTickets.com.  When we arrived at your branch at Denver International Airport the agent asked if we wanted to upgrade.  I recalled on the CheapTickets website the price of car rentals increased somewhere in the neighborhood of $10 incrementally according to the size of the car.  We asked how much the rental would be for a midsize and the agent said the revised rate would be $75 a day.  ‘Fair enough,’ I thought, remembering the website offering upgrades for a few dollars more.     

We agreed to the upgrade at $75 a day (I repeat the rate for a reason which you will see later) and then the agent had me follow along through a litany of documents on a barely visible computer screen as he summarized what each of them said.  ‘You agree to not smoke in the vehicle.’  ‘You agree to return the car with a full tank of gas.’  ‘You have declined any insurance coverage.’ ‘You are responsible for all traffic citations.’  You know the drill, I’m sure.  Now is a good time to mention how difficult it is to read the extremely tiny green font on those black computer screens, although I’m convinced you do it for a reason.

Once the agent got through the final document he asked me to sign, indicating I understood everything he covered.  I’ll be honest: I couldn’t read a single word on that itsy bitsy screen.  For all I know it could have been the Gettysburg Address or Volume ‘E’ of Encyclopedia Britannica.  Basing my understanding on the agent telling me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, I signed.  I mention my signature because it would come back to haunt me four days later when I returned your Chevy Malibu, our midsize car of choice.

My wife and I returned the car with a full tank of gas, free of any and all trash and no worse for the wear—less the mileage we incurred (560, if you must know) over the past 96 hours.  The attendant we returned the car to asked if I wanted a receipt; I did, if only to spot check for any additional charges that may have found its’ way onto our bill.  If they did it would be difficult to tell, however.  Outside of the charges for the rental of the car, here’s what was on the receipt:

·      RNTLVEHSRG 4 days @ $2.00

·      OMB $1.49

·      FACYSEFEE 4 days @ $2.15

·      APCONRGFEE $61.49

·      STATE TAX $70.15

·      SOT $6.47

·      VLF $2.56

Like I would know what the hell any of these were, or if they were even legitimate.

However, what caught my eye was this little gem:

·      4 DAYS @ $63.00 followed by

·      4 DAYS @ $75.00

The total charge amounted to $710.76, about $300 more than I expected to see.  I showed the receipt to Cindy and said apparently the agent left the original rental vehicle on my bill, so in essence I was being charged for two vehicles.  ‘Simple, we’ll go inside and get this straightened out before we get on the plane home,’ I said; a statement qualifying me for one of those Darwin Awards or at the very least Dumbass of the Year.

One inside I gave the receipt to one of the agents behind the counter and pointed out their mistake.  He quickly corrected me: The mistake was all mine.  Apparently the upgrade from compact to midsize was an additional $75 per day, a little bit of information that could have been made a lot clearer had the original agent SIMPLY TOLD ME THAT WHEN I ASKED HOW MUCH THE UPGRADE WOULD COST!  Maybe when I asked ‘how much for a midsize’ he could have said ‘$75 a day…MORE.’  Yes, that little adjective at the end would have made a world of difference because there is no way in hell I would rent a Chevy Malibu for $138 a day. 

He asked for my original receipt—as long as the height of my six-year old grandson—and pointed out the signature at the bottom.  ‘Is this your signature?’ he asked.  I nodded, bracing myself for what would be coming next.  

‘See, you signed your name!  There’s nothing I can do about it now!’

I couldn’t help but notice how much satisfaction and joy he was getting out of my misfortune.  If I didn’t know better I would have thought he had just pulled off the Con of the Century…probably because he did.  I also noticed how emphatically he spoke when he mentioned I had signed my name.    

I asked to speak to the manager on duty.  ‘Sorry, she’s in a conference call,’ said the agent.  ‘Fine, I’ll wait,’ said the Conned of the Century. 

It wasn’t long before the manager on duty—now a ‘he’ and not a ‘she’—called me over to the counter to discuss my predicament.  Ten minutes later I was back to Square One.  Long story short it came down to this: ‘See, you signed your name!  There’s nothing I can do about it now!’   

I couldn’t help but notice he had the same aura of satisfaction and joy as the agent I spoke to earlier.  If I didn’t know better I would have thought they’ve pulled this same Con before, especially since they used identical verbiage.  This couldn’t possibly be the first time this happened: Their shared dialogue and delivery were too—for lack of a better word--rehearsed.  There was no way this was their first time around the block, if you know what I mean.

While Cindy and I were waiting at the gate for our plane to begin boarding I called the toll-free customer service number (I won’t print the actual number, but if there was any justice in the world you should consider changing it to 1-800-GET-FUKT).  After the requisite 10 minutes of listening to a recording stating ‘due to the high volume of calls’ after which all I heard was ‘blah blah blah’ which could have been the same message being repeated or perhaps elevator music because at this point I really wasn’t expecting anyone to actually answer, a REAL LIVE OPERATOR came on the line.  I explained my dilemma after which she only had one question for me.  It was at this point I knew everything I needed to know about Dollar Rent A Car:

‘Did you sign the agreement?’

In my mind I pictured all of the words exchanged between your three employees and I swirling around a flushed toilet bowl and eventually going down the drain…only those five words—‘Did you sign the agreement?’—floating to the surface. 

So once again I admitted I made a mistake: I trusted Dollar Rent A Car.

I trusted your company to provide a decent service at a fair price.   

My mistake.  I won’t make it again.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Now trust ME when I say:

 You won’t fool me twice.  

 Warmest regards,

Scott Ludwig, Rental Agreement #217673691