Continuing Education

My grandson just spent his weeklong spring break with Cindy and I.  After nine days of being G-Pa—that included cameo appearances as chauffeur, cook, playmate and personal assistant -- I   learned a thing or two along the way.

Here’s what I know now that I didn’t know nine days ago:

1.     When a six-year old asks to play Monkey-in-the-Middle with three adults and volunteers to be the monkey, do not assume the youngster knows the objective of the game is to keep the ball AWAY from them and not throw it directly to them. 

2.     There should never be any crying during a game of Monkey-in-the-Middle.  If there is, someone doesn’t know the rules.   You might want to call the game Keep Away instead of Monkey-in-the-Middle.  It could save a whole lot of aggravation…for you and the little ones.   

3.     There are some children who would choose to eat tomatoes on Easter Sunday rather than the speckled robin eggs (malted milk balls) found in their Easter basket.  These children may very well be aliens from another planet.

4.     A six-year old would have you believe a McDonald’s Happy Meal covers all four of the major food groups. 

5.     A puppy will trump a McDonald’s Happy Meal every time.  Thank you Jesus.

6.     The coolest animal at the zoo is a snake, even though they’re not that easy to pet.  Apparently ‘cool’ trumps ‘cuddly.’ 

7.     Some six-year olds dream of one day having ‘100 jobs.’  After learning that having 100 jobs may be a bit unrealistic, some will settle for being a veterinarian/video game designer.

8.     There is no limit to how many Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cartoons a six-year old can watch in one sitting.  Ditto for Scooby Doo cartoons and five-year olds (learned one year ago). 

9.     Six-year olds are perfectly capable of driving a truck. While sitting on the lap of an adult.  An adult with both hands on the steering wheel.  With one foot on the gas pedal.  And the other on the brake.  And on a road without another car in sight for miles.  Like I said, capable. 

10.  The promise of bubbles and tiny rubber sharks makes the suggestion of a bath a lot more appealing than one offering nothing more than watermelon-scented SpongeBob SquarePants shampoo and body wash. 

11.  There is a cure for everything.  It is called chocolate milk and its magical powers simply cannot be denied.

12.  Six is the age when getting clothing on your birthday is considered ‘lame.’  Here is a complete list of what isn’t considered lame: Toys.

13.  Rubber dinosaurs can be powerful bargaining chips with six-year old boys.

14.  Some six-year olds know more about science than most adults can remember, and by ‘most’ I mean me.

15.  Six-year olds can find every single toy in a grocery store, even those hidden along the adult hygiene aisle. 

One last thing I learned: There’s nothing I would have rather done these past nine days than be   chauffeur, cook, playmate and personal assistant.  They all come with the territory of being a G-Pa, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.