Hell Week (Part Two of a Two Part Trilogy)

‘Initiation’ is defined as a rite of passage marking acceptance into a group.  At Phi Tau initiation was known as Hell Week.

‘Hazing’ is the practice of rituals and other activities involving harassment, abuse and/or humiliation used as a way of initiating a person into a group.  At Phi Kappa Tau—as well as every other fraternity at the University of Florida, hazing was prohibited. 

I make the distinction so you’ll understand I was not technically hazed during Hell Week; I was initiated.  Sure, I was harassed, abused and humiliated but when all was said and done it was all in good fun.  Looking back on it now I see that is was indeed a rite of passage.  A passage into Hell, perhaps, but still: A passage.

I can’t remember exactly how long Hell Week lasted.  My best recollection is it consumed the better part of four days.  It’s hard to tell since I was only allowed to sleep six or seven hours (that would be the total for the entire initiation, not per night) and it was impossible to make the distinction between days and nights as we were held captive in the frat house most of the time.  Exceptions?  Attending class and engaging in some of the ‘rituals and other activities’ of Hell Week.

For example, several of the most physically fit brothers in the fraternity took the pledges—all 14 of us for a 10-mile run (after three miles it turned into a walk, three miles later a hike, then two miles later a crawl) around campus.  At midnight, so it didn’t interfere with any of our classes (those brothers; so thoughtful).  All of us were required to stay together; the old ‘a chain is only as strong as its weakest link’ mindset.  We stayed together all right: Eventually there were 12 of us carrying two of our ‘links’ the final two miles.   We barely got back in time for some of us to get to first period (8:00 a.m.).  I was one of the lucky ones; I had a first period class.  The others weren’t so lucky, as they were given various duties to perform around the house.  Abuse?  No; merely a rite of passage.

After three or four days of constant harassment and humiliation (Correction:  I meant to say ‘being teased in good fun’) it was time for the grand finale. 

I don’t recall if I was sworn to secrecy regarding what you’re about to read.

If I was, then everything you’re going to read from this point forward is fiction.

If not, then that explains why I’m breaking out in a cold sweat at this very moment.

I believe it was a Saturday night.  Me and the other 13 pledges were lined up in the large room we used for dance parties following home football games.  Only tonight we wouldn’t be drinking copious amounts of beer and hunch punch, listening to the music of Doug Clark and the Hot Nuts and dancing with our dates.  No, tonight we were going to experience one last round of HAH (‘Hooting and hollering;’ not to be confused with ‘harassment, abuse and humiliation.’  I want to make that perfectly clear.  Gee, my special Sarcasm Font sure has been helpful.) none of us would never forget. 

We were lined up according to size, from smallest to largest.  As I am 5-foot-10 and was the fourth person in line (towards the ‘small’ end of our pledge spectrum) I have to assume we were lined up according to body mass index and not simply by height or weight.  Our first order of business was to complete a cumulative 1,000 sit ups.  ‘Zim,’ the smallest pledge went first.  By the time it was my turn the first three pledges had accounted for slightly more than 200 sit ups.  As I was struggling to complete my 10^th sit up I distinctly remember a brother yelling in my face: ‘Go ahead and quit.  You have 10 others to pick up your slack, you worthless #$% of a $^$%!!’

He didn’t have to tell me twice.  Besides, two of the ‘larger’ pledges were the ones we were forced to carry during our midnight run two or three (who can tell?) nights ago.  (That’s how I choose to remember it since it helps to minimize any residual guilt I may harbor from the incident). 

The rest of the night I didn’t have the luxury of delegation.  All of the pledges had to actively participate in every single exercise demanded of us.  We did push ups, jumping jacks, squad thrusts and several rounds of running in place.  The brothers stayed busy as well, getting directly in our faces and showering us with all the encouragement and spittle we could possibly absorb.  Bonus!  All of us were given new nicknames predicated by our respective ‘performances’ over the past three or four (who can tell?) days.  My favorite (not only because of how clever it is but also because it wasn’t given to me) was ‘Chris who squats to pi**.’         

This went on for two or three hours (who can tell?) when all of a sudden three or four of the fraternity’s board members came barreling through the front door.  They’ were all screaming hysterically. 

What on earth are you doing to these pledges?

This is hazing; you’re jeopardizing the future of our fraternity!

ARE YOU ALL OUT OF YOUR *$&%ING MINDS?

Instantly the brothers rushed all of us pledges into a room on the third floor.  We were told to ‘clean ourselves up’ and sit quietly.  If we were questioned by any of the board members we were to tell them we were simply doing calisthenics.  Loosely translated, we were asked to lie through our teeth.

The board members bought everything we were selling: Hook, line and sinker.

After the 14 of us sold our souls to the devil, we anxiously waited to hear their decision.  It went something like this:

It’s clear how much all of you want to be a brother in Phi Kappa Tau.

Congratulations!  You’re now one of us!

Well before Ashton Kutcher was even born, let alone dreamed of developing the television show Punk’d, all of us were indeed ‘Punk’d.’  With a capital ‘P.’

The whole evening had been a ruse.  All of the pledges bought their act hook, line and sinker.  But in the condition we were all in there was no remorse, no resentment and no anger.  There was only relief.

We were now brothers.  With a keg of beer or two we all celebrated our accomplishment, reminisced about the last three or four (who can tell?) days and laughed about what a relief it was now that Hell Week was behind us.

We also talked about our future in Phi Kappa Tau.

Specifically, how we could make Hell Week a little more appealing to the next class of pledges (Sarcasm Font one last time).